My mother is going through one of the hardest phases of her
life. She finds herself alone, helpless, bitter, humiliated, angry and, clueless.
It’s a dark storm that she seems to have decided to bear out, hoping that like
all storms- this too shall pass.
I find our roles reversing, me always trying to help sort
her way through this hellish chaos. It’s been going on for a while. Long enough
for me to start thinking of her as a child who needs constant guidance and
support.
I couldn’t be further away from the truth.
Well, you see, my mother, she’s tough as nails. She’s the
reason I am the person I am. At those
critical junctures in my life, she is the one who has taken stands and made
decisions that most parents won’t for their daughters.
When my father thought it wise to handle the tantrums of a
12yr old me with the choicest expletives delivered amongst an audience, my
mother told him in private to hold his tongue going forward. To me she said to
not approach him for money anymore. She became my ATM for next 9 years till I
could fend for myself.
When my father questioned my request to go out for a movie
with classmates after our board exams to celebrate with a “Why?”, my mother
swiftly responded “Why not?”.
Thereafter, my brother and I were equally, not differently, questioned
about our outings.
She made sure I was treated equally so I feel like an equal.
I have always taken it for granted. This sense of freedom, of self-worth, of
equality.
The more I look, the more I see women being given a raw
deal. What is most frustrating though is their acceptance of the deal. I am
coming to realize that they have been raised to accept sour deals. To not think
of themselves as deserving something better, to always compromise and keep
their voices low. We are all the victims and beneficiaries of our upbringing.
I see my own mother struggling with her raw deal, trying to
salvage it for what its worth. I ache seeing her repeatedly get wounded,
knowing that it’s her private battle. I just need to stay put and lend her an
ear or a shoulder or both, whenever she needs it. And need to keep reminding
myself, that it is SHE who is my mother, my hero.
