Bureaucracy ain't all that a Bitch

Its super fashionable and acceptable to crib about the pathetic state of our bureaucracy. All of us have our share of horror stories about our brush with passport/ income tax/ provident fund/ voter id office, gas agencies, police station, judiciary, marriage bureau,  etc.

I have a penchant for being bull headed when it comes to dealing with bureaucratic institutions (both public and private !) and toiling on till I get my work done. Here, I share some pearls of wisdom I have gathered from some rich and painful brushes with bureaucracy. 

• Lesson 1 - Do no evil - Nothing pisses off bureaucracy more that you trying to cut short the system. Some personal examples include deliberately giving incorrect address info. on my passport renewal application to avoid address verification in two different cities, using an agent in a bid to hasten procedure, not being diligent in filing tax returns properly (and being served a notice 4 years down the line for it). We are often guilty of making some vital error(s) but conveniently shift all the blame on the inefficiency of the system. 

• Lesson 2 - Patience wins the race - Lot of our angst stems from the speed of the system. However, we tend to overlook the sheer burden on the system. Its no mean feat that IRCTC's online booking performs way better than the rail reservation system for Europe despite catering to 3x population. Besides, not every task of ours is that urgent in nature. Barring real emergencies, the experience of dealing with the system becomes much better if we learn to accept its pace. 

• Lesson 3 -  Plan & Prepare - This cant be emphasized enough. Planning ahead and thoroughness in preparation are the key in dealing with systems. We don't crib about the copious (and ridiculous !) documentation that a US visa or education application demands. But you would often see customers at govt. offices being irked when they are turned back for incomplete paperwork. Part of this ire stems from bureaucracies not doing a good job of informing about these checklists. But if we realize in advance that systems operate on paperwork and ensure that we are well armed with all that is needed, its makes the system much easier to navigate.

• Lesson 4 - The Meek shall not inherit the Earth - If you have followed Lesson 1,2 and 3 and are still facing hurdles from just outright corrupt or arrogant officials, then its time for Lesson 4. Most systems have strong - though often hidden - grievance addressal mechanisms. We have to be brave and persistent enough to use them. After 9 months of harassment at the Mumbai passport office, I finally got angry enough to meet the RPO personally and get my file cleared without any contacts. When served with an income tax notice, I avoided using agents/experienced CA cousin/ IT office clerks to intervene on my behalf. Instead, I directly met the officer in charge - allegedly notorious for being corrupt - and sat down one-on-one with him to resolve my case in 0.5 hrs (but with 15 hrs of advance preparation) in a very pleasant and professional manner.     

There will be exceptions aplenty but I have found that putting the above lessons to use has served me well in dealing with bureaucracies.

Give it a shot and let me know how it goes ! 

The Right Attitude to Rain

It seems there might be some truth to our attitude playing a big role in how we can enjoy even a seemingly uncomfortable situation. 

Case in point. One week solo visit to in-laws place in Kerala. 

Background  - In the past 3 years of marriage, I have made these visits mostly as an item on the checklist and always along with husband. There have been several points of discomfort. Language problem, overwhelmingly non-veg cuisine, lack of outdoor options and, totally different culture being the prominent ones.

This time, something was different right from the outset. Much to my surprise, I initiated this visit and fixed dates, making it a week-long visit as compared to usual 2-3 day ones.  I was least concerned if husband could join in. If he could, it would be a cherry on the cake but I was feeling good enough about doing it solo. 

I ended up doing the visit on my own and it turned out to be the nicest visit of them all !!!!

Why ????? 

• The weather was absolutely delightful. Picture a Delhite from 44 degree celsius environs stepping into rainy Calicut in a peaceful house with lush greenery.

• My mom in law was (is) an angel, spending quality time with me yet giving me lots of space of my own letting me catch up with work and reading.

• I am expecting, enjoying good health in my 2nd trimester and, received lots of pampering from everyone around

• My 4 yr old brother in law (yes, no typo there) was exceedingly generous in letting me play as much super mario on his playstation as I wanted. His only gentle admonishment - "Amai, you want to play only super mario all the time. I like power ranger samurai !"

• I had absolutely zero tension on my mind w.r.t day to day household things. Everything was taken care of

It was possibly due to one or many of these reasons.

But something tells me that the real reason I had a great time is because I came with a positive attitude, looking forward to the trip and confident of having a good time. Everything else somehow fell into place after that.

The right attitude might be worth a try, no ?

P.s. This post is inspired by a charming little book by Alexander McCall Smith's with the same title, recommended recently by a friend . It seems that Scots believe that while rain is a constant menace in the lives of the Scottish, people's happiness in life is determined by "the right attitude to rain" :)

Turning 30

Yet another blog on turning 30.... Yawn.

Not in my twenties no more. Supposed to feel old. Surprisingly, feel good. But then I am one of those people who doesn't long to go back to any period of my life. Somehow the present always seems better than the past. 

As good and carefree childhood and college life were, I don't long for them. We forget the helplessness of childhood and all the uncertainty and tension of college life. Or to choose to gloss over it.

And given my passion for acting older than my age, I am glad to be able to quote a more dignified age numeral :)

Some biggies as I enter this new decade -

• Quit the full-time work grind after 7+ years -more than a year now, still loving it 

• Cultivated an interest in learning Spanish and Yoga - having a new hobby is a lot more hard work than its made out to be 

• Charting out a new flexi way of keeping professionally engaged - yes, its possible and very lucratively so 

• Becoming a mommy soon - tasting and relishing second-time success after a botched first attempt

Twenties, so long and thanks for all the fun.

Thirties. Here I come. 

When I am feeling blue...

its usually time to face red :)

I wonder why we create such strong emotional entanglements that begin to feel stifling. Parents, siblings, spouse, 'best friends'. We start taking them for granted as soon as we reach a level of confidence of their stability. These relationships fulfill our social and financial needs  but as time passes, they seem to feel like hygiene factors rather than motivators ( long live Herzberg ! ). They keep you from sinking but also seem to hold you back from taking flight.

You don't want to disentangle but also want to set yourself free.

What's the answer ?

Mind, Body, Soul.....and Pocket

When was the last time you had food that filled you with pleasure at every level ? Food that made you travel ten kilometres on a Sunday morning, then made you wait for fifteen minutes in a bustling line-up outside a restaurant before leading you to "shared table".

One doesn't need a menu at these places. One knows one's favourites you see. One orders them within minutes of being seated and starts rubbing one's palms in eager anticipation. One tries to make one's excitement not too obvious but it's in the air and one gives in easily. 

We are told that good food is to be enjoyed with all five senses. Sometimes life gives one a chance to experience how. The aromas from the kitchen make the wait enjoyable. The very first sight of your food takes away the burden from your tongue to develop a discerning taste. Sounds from the kitchen, busy tables and a busier city seem like music to your ears. You don't know if you want to simply enjoy looking at, smelling, touching or tasting your food. 

When was the last time you had your best meal in a long long time for a princely 150 rupees for two people ? Served by staff that was lightning quick, attentive and courteous without the plastic smiles pasted in anticipation of tips.

I enjoyed mine with hubby at Ramashraya @ Matunga this Sunday morning. We left our table satiated with a song on our lips and the warm smell of ghee on our fingers. 

 

P.s. Our favourite order is one plate idli sambar, two Mysore plain dosas, one sheera and two filter coffees. Shared and not a morsel spared. 

 

Of failed pregnancies and surrounding hush-hush

Two days back, we medically aborted our first attempt at making a baby.

I was eight weeks pregnant. A home test and blood HCG test had confirmed the same. However, the first sonography revealed that there was nothing growing inside the gestational sac. Zippo. A second sono confirmed the same and the doctors' advice was to terminate asap. So we did.

Here's a few things I realized in the one month whirlwind of countless trips to doctors, testing labs and sono centres.

• Pregnancies are natural. So are terminations - 20-40% pregnancies don't survive the first trimester. Doctors advise against trying to investigate the reasons for the first, even second failed pregnancy. Its like looking for a needle in a haystack. All you can do is take good care of yourself and hope for the best. 

• Why its better to keep hush for first 3 months - Not because its a taboo in case it fails, though thats how its made out to be. It will simply save you/your parents/ in-laws the bother of having to retract the good news at a time when you are dealing with this loss. The chances of a pregnancy going through successfully increase exponentially once a strong heart beat is detected and some critical abnormalities are ruled out. This usually happens within the first three months. I know the excitement of sharing this news. I indulged in it to some extent. I was also relieved at having exercised some restraint when things didn't go right. 

• No matter how much expert advice you take, some decisions can only be taken by you - Treat all the advice you get from well-meaning friends and family you may consult as just that. Advice, not decisions. Even a good gyne will make it clear that her recommendation is for you to convert into a decision. Whether you should repeat a sonography at another centre to rule out equipment errors, whether you should wait for a few more weeks in anticipation of a miracle at the risk of your own life, whether you should follow a surgical termination or a medical one.  The friends and doctors can at best tell you the pros and cons. Some of these decisions are yours alone to make. Not even your partner's. Its your life at stake. 

• Shit happens. And not always to other people - This is lot easier in theory than in practice. Sometimes, we need to simply accept our bad luck in a particular situation without treating it as a doomsday scenario or feeling unfairly victimized.  

• Don't take it personally. Really. - Its not a reflection of your (partner's) fertility or health. Small chance that it could be but a much bigger chance that its simply accidental. Don't get too serious about it, atleast not until you are sure about the reasons. But until then, take it in your stride and better still, talk about it with people around you. You'll be surprised at how many stories come tumbling out of closets ! They'll not just make you feel comforted and not so singled out in this misfortune but also bring you closer to those people who dare to share.

And as for tackling that million dollar question  

Nosey Aunty- "Beta, when will you give the good news again?"

You/ your partner - "Aunty, we are constantly trying" :)

New kid on the block

Trying to walk the thoughts here.
Not sure what this blog is going to be about. But I promise to keep it simple and straight. No jalebis here - extra sweet and round n round.
Seedhi Gal - Straight Talk.