My Mother. My Hero.

My mother is going through one of the hardest phases of her life. She finds herself alone, helpless, bitter, humiliated, angry and, clueless. It’s a dark storm that she seems to have decided to bear out, hoping that like all storms- this too shall pass.

I find our roles reversing, me always trying to help sort her way through this hellish chaos. It’s been going on for a while. Long enough for me to start thinking of her as a child who needs constant guidance and support.

I couldn’t be further away from the truth.

Well, you see, my mother, she’s tough as nails. She’s the reason I am the person I am.  At those critical junctures in my life, she is the one who has taken stands and made decisions that most parents won’t for their daughters.

When my father thought it wise to handle the tantrums of a 12yr old me with the choicest expletives delivered amongst an audience, my mother told him in private to hold his tongue going forward. To me she said to not approach him for money anymore. She became my ATM for next 9 years till I could fend for myself.

When my father questioned my request to go out for a movie with classmates after our board exams to celebrate with a “Why?”, my mother swiftly responded “Why not?”.  Thereafter, my brother and I were equally, not differently, questioned about our outings.

She made sure I was treated equally so I feel like an equal. I have always taken it for granted. This sense of freedom, of self-worth, of equality.

The more I look, the more I see women being given a raw deal. What is most frustrating though is their acceptance of the deal. I am coming to realize that they have been raised to accept sour deals. To not think of themselves as deserving something better, to always compromise and keep their voices low. We are all the victims and beneficiaries of our upbringing.

I see my own mother struggling with her raw deal, trying to salvage it for what its worth. I ache seeing her repeatedly get wounded, knowing that it’s her private battle. I just need to stay put and lend her an ear or a shoulder or both, whenever she needs it. And need to keep reminding myself, that it is SHE who is my mother, my hero.